He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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