i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
