i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
