So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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