i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
