There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize