fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
