Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
