It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
