I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Use "feeling words"
Yay
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
