umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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