too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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