You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
