i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
