Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
