You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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