I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
