This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
