he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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