i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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