Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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