it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
