Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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