why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he was CRYING into my vagina
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize