She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
