I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
