Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
