Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
