the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
