Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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