the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
