it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
