i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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