i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
