Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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