Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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