i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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