Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
