I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
