dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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