I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
