My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My bed smells like the plague
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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