Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
