You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
