The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
