i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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