Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
