someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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