dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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