I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
