fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
