First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
