paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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