ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
