Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
don't judge my taste in strippers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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