I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
