i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All the doctor said was why
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
