Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
