boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
