I hope mine doesn't look like that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry about my life...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
