Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
